Matthew and Jacob

I said that I would post some new pictures of Matthew and here they are.






This is Matty with his faux hawk hairdo. He still doesn't have a ton of hair so it is kind of small.




Matty playing in his new exersaucer. Look, he can even turn the pages!!!




Matty pressing the buttons and making it light up and sing.

Matty sucking his thumb. He has really just started doing this. Isn't it adorable?!

This morning my son did the cutest thing. I laid him down on my side of the bed next to his dad so I could get dressed. James really wasn't awake yet and Matty started kicking his leg into daddy's leg and looking at him like "Come on, get up and play!" It was so cute. I wish that I had gotten it on camera. Everyone asks me where Matthew's name comes from. So I tell them that the Matthew is from his father. It is James's middle name. And the Thomas comes from my baby cousin Jacob. It was his middle name. It was my way of honoring the little boy who was one of the first to steal a piece of my heart. It is hard for me to talk about Jacob without getting choked up. For those of you who do not know, Jacob is one of a set of triplets. And he was the only one to be diagnosed with cancer. There isn't anyone who met Jacob who didn't think that he was special. Like my son, he could light up your day with one of his beautiful big smiles. I write this as a way to get my grief out. I have held onto it for such a long time. Heather has posted so many beautiful memories and thoughts of Jacob on her sites. It is time that I expressed what I have felt. I was the nanny for the boys when they were about 13 months old and Kyle was 3. It was the best summer of my life. I saw the boys a couple of times after that, but I could never bring myself to go and see them after Jacob got cancer. I know that this seems terrible. I just couldn't bear to lose another one of "my kids". When I was 16, a little girl that I used to babysit died in a terrible car accident. I went to her funeral and swore that I would never go to another child's funeral again. She was 2 and the loss of one so young just tore my heart out. So to lose Jacob was an awful blow. I am not sure why I am writing this now after so long, I just feel compelled to do so. It hurt so badly to lose Jacob. That and the fact that James had come home on his short R&R from Iraq are the reasons that I did not attend his memorial. During that R&R, we conceived our son. It was not long after we lost Jacob. I had a dream shortly after we were told that we were having a boy in which I saw Jacob kiss a baby and send him to me. When I woke up, I knew that my son's name would be Matthew Thomas instead of Matthew James. It all just seemed so right. And that is how I look at it. God let Jacob hand pick a child for me and they sent me just the right one. And whether or not it sounds crazy, I choose to believe that. Well, my little angel is cranking at me because he wants to play. So I will just add this: Heather, if you read this, I love you all and hope to see you soon.